SAY: Please comment on what the question was and what the answer would be

SAY
part 1

The inevitable silence pervaded the preceding moments following the simple yet metamorphosing utterance. The room was dead; motionless, even the hands on his wrist watch seemed crippled. Seconds felt like hours, and minutes felt like lifetimes; the amount of time that past inconceivable and unmeasurable or at least in that moment. Her lips quivered as ripples on a pond being bombarded by a passing rain storm. As with any storm; this moment, this instant of wretched silence, this too would pass. The author of the thought, his body now whispered hints of wanting to re-envelope the before stated; but this was for the best, this was right. Both sets of eyes were fleeting, glossy points, darting from subject to subject, meeting occasionally as moths to a flame, seeing nothing but thought. A deep breathe was drawn and slowly sighed out, yet nothing was heard. A simple pulse had never been so evident as exactly that point. Veins and arteries were no longer conduits of life giving blood, now pulsating rhythmical drums felt deeply in every fibre of their bodies. Spoken words seemed distant, elusive, unreachable; response was inexpressibly necessary. The words just said were rehearsed, what ensued could not have that luxury. The moment and what was said next stood on a pin’s precipice, chasms of consequences waiting to engulf on all sides. A mouth opened to speek, only silence ensued, the faint motion broke the trance like state of the pair. This was it, the time had come, this was the most critical juncture either of the two had experienced. So much needed to be said, so much could be said, but only one of two words would suffice...

I'm out of control and i think i like it

Freedom from so called liberty, never before have I ever experienced such a burden fall form my own back. No worries, no anxiety, no fear.

For all of my “adult life” up to this point was just that...MY. I was in control, I was running MY life, I made things happen for MYself, “I’m kinda a big deal” to quote Anchorman: The Legend of Rob Burgundy. But no matter what I did, things never ended up the way I wanted them too. Frustration does not even begin to describe the ire welling up inside me. My life had become a shameful disgrace of what my potential was, especially held up to what I wanted to accomplish. The more I tried to be something I wasn’t the more I reeked of effort and positioning. I had no idea who I was, what my personality was like, how I should interact with certain people; A facade in the truest of senses. Confidence was something I knew I needed, but seemed just out of reach. I sought for ultimate control, a determined future, an understanding of my past, and a content presence. I was scared, tired, and for the most part alone.

The solution? A complete and utter lack of control.
The death of self-ambition followed by the beautiful genesis of selflessness. My life isn’t my own, I am not living for myself; I am God’s and He is my everything. What next? and when? only patience will tell. “Not my will but Thine” has a new and revolutionary meaning. “Letting go gives a better grip” as written by David Crowder describes this airing experience as near as I have come across. I cannot truly express the freedom I feel; my soul is light yet my heart is full. All of this has brought me to the realization that we were created in his image, gifted as intelligent and discerning creatures having the ability to make choices, but ultimately designed to come back, choosing to sacrifice that cursed gift and live under the control of the creator. No longer in need of confidence, or accomplishment, it’s a work in progress and trust. This is faith, this is truth, this is love, this is life as God intended.

If my God is with me
Than who shall I fear?


I am bigger than my body....through Christ’s control.

Jh

Coming of Age

I guess it happens to all of us, we reach certain points in our lives when our perspective changes. The way we view life, death, and taxes.... fun. We internalize, externalize, and theorize in a different fashion; not a dramatic shift but a pervasive one. Time does not become more valuable (although we all seem to think that) but more precious; we think more of how, who, and what we do with it. For some, it is an allocation of time from friends to family, family to friends, work to social, social to work, community to reclusion, reclusion to community; a dynamic and at times turbulent duality. A complex but necessary metamorphosis that enables us to grow, both fortunately and unfortunately this mental renascence occurs several times throughout our lives. These crucial life altering valleys or passageways have a way of shaping our lives for years to come; not exactly “light” fare for conversation. A relationship, a marriage, a career, a job, a school, a switch in major, a vacation, a soul searching crusade, a summer, a change in weather patterns, “one of these days”, “one of those nights”; All pieces to the intricate and beautiful fresco that is your life, all potentially influencing and changing the way you perceive and live life. A change in life perspective often has much to do with age, the coming to of it, the realization of it, and the way you relate it to your mental state. “ I should be mature at my age”, so you try and act it, and you hate it; “ I should be married at my age”, so you stop chasing the opposite sex just long enough to find it, “Retirement occurs at age 55”, so you retire, and regret it. If you let age stereotypes control you during the shifts in life, life will control you. As friends and seasons come and go, so do these troubling bumps in life; but how you get over them is solely up to you. Think, pray, meditate, and believe that life is beautiful.....View life as that, and your new perspective will see nothing but beauty.

Viva la Vida – Live the Life
Jh

Upon seeing for the first time in concert John Mayer on Monday July 7th, 2008 Molson Amphitheater

A steamy July evening on Toronto’s water front, with every moment that passes leading up to his arrival on stage, the temperature seems to drop coinciding directly with the sun’s setting as the energy and chatter of the audience grows at twice the rate. With a swift jog from behind the black sheer curtains on the right side of the stage, John and his band explode; grabbing his guitar, Mayer brings his instrument of metal and wood to life. Indistinguishable at first, he deftly leads his band and the flock of onlookers into the opening rift of the song “vultures”. Energetic, unique, and unbridled John puts on a spectacle of the familiar woven with the remarkably original, a riveting rendition of the song. The crowd’s reaction: a cocktail of awe, jubilation, and exaltation, poring over into deafening screams nearly drowning out the guitar virtuoso. For those there as casual listeners, were drawn further and further in with every note melting off the neck of Mayer’s Fender Stratocaster. A display of passion and talent each of which trying to out match the other, resulting in a certain electricity that cannot be put into words (at least not by me). The song finishes as a sort of predeceasing exclamation point on a sentence that says something like, “Welcome to the show, welcome to my life, welcome to my love; get ready for 13 more musical odysseys ”.

What a Talent, what a night, what a concert



jh

quite a question

The question has been asked an unfathomable amount of times, “what do I want to do the rest of my life”. The phrase brings the usual thoughts to mind ‘cliché’, ‘trite’, ‘good luck’. Personally, it has been asked perpetually over the last 5 years of my life, an unwanted heavy burden that lay on my back like so many other people of around my age. A question who’s answer is elusive, evasive, and perpetually changing. The answer is the solution to and the cause of so many of a young person’s emotional valleys. The question’s answer is the difference between a job and a career, a pay check and success. The ideal, a job that you love that won’t feel like work is the goal. Make a mistake in answering and a life filled with unfulfilled dreams and frustration. The asking and answering of the question is of the most vital importance; shaping a person’s mind, personality, and plans for the next ten years of his or her life. It shapes how you spend vast amounts of money on cars, houses, and education (and in some cases inebriation). It is seemingly impossible to answer this question.

What if you ask that same question, but this time answer it as if it has been asked in a different tone? Answer as if it was asked as “WHO do I want to BE the rest of your life”; make it nothing to do with career, education, money. Apply your mind to thinking about the person you are and the type of person that you would altruistically like to be. Answer honest, raw, provocative.

I have spent the last five years of my life answering the right question the wrong way, planning my life out in black and white and green. Money, success, adoration, belonging; I answered selfishly and even more tragically, unoriginally. Answering while influenced by outside sources I have failed, as so many others have, in answering the question all together. Who I am hates what I have wanted to do, and who that would make me; because I haven’t been answering the right way. Now it is time for me to love WHO I want to be the rest of my life so I can love WHAT I do the rest of my life. If you become the type of person you can love, then you will love what you do, and that, I am starting to understand, is happiness defined.

“What do I want to do the rest of my life?”

Simply,

I want to be a person who loves, lives, and forgives without regret, worry, or hesitation.

Jh
Love Well

Comment as Needed

I am wondering if you have seen this photo?

Stiff from a hostel’s mattress, a long slender figure stands feebly in the midst of a nearly empty tube car within London’s Underground. A photo of a man, no longer a boy, backpack attached, approaching the end of a journey. An odyssey with purpose, to break free, to experience Europe, to feel alive, to find oneself; an often perpetuated, if not cliche gesture. The florescent running lights in the car blur in the slight quiver of the tube, casting a golden glow over the shoulders of the young man. The back ground filled with strung out motion seen through the dark car windows. Only one other lonely sole is to be seen huddling in the corner of the car, seemingly in a trancelike state, enveloped in the music proceeding from the white buds found in the ears of the London nocturnal. The photography snapped during those oddly still, precious few moments somewhere between the point at witch night has ended and morning has not yet begun. Yet another ride in a chaotic myriad of train, buss, and boat traverses. A grey t-shirt hangs from the shoulders of the man’s thinned frame, emaciated from little sleep, weeks of endless walking, and living off a diet of coffee and chewing gum. The shirts original print faded and cracked to point of relative obscurity, wrinkled from time spent with the straps from the large knapsack straining the every fiber of the piece of clothing. The man’s jeans sitting a little lower on the hips then before he left and the his belt now resting in a previously unused notch. The once vibrant blue-jeans distressed almost to point at which they could pass off as an expensive designer label; the pants stretched down to running shoes with scuffed and pealing toe caps. The running shoes along with the rest of his body showed from the cruel abuse they have been under over the past weeks. Possessions and money is all but extinct on this parson, all that is presumably left in his drooping burden was a change of dirty laundry, a picture filled digital camera with nearly spent batteries taking its last picture, a note pad filled with events and random never before entertained thoughts, his passport, and a ticket out of Heathrow. Through the shadow cast by the overhang of his sun ravaged, tattered, sweat stained Boston Red Sox cap; and through the clumsy beard finding its place on a thinned face was an indifferent look and a piercing, exhausted stare. The eyes windows to some of Europe’s finest sights: the romantic beauty of the Eiffel Tower, the quiet wonder of the Vatican, the horrific mortality of Auschwitz, the enigmatic marvel of Stonehenge, and now the heart of the fog beleaguered ancient city of London; and yet his eyes pervade nothing of these sights. Within the piecing black stare a certain quiet confidence comes through the gloss of the photo; an unspeakable, untamable confidence stemming from, for the first time, truly coming to know...

travesty of the mundane

There is very little respect for people who say that their life is mundane
Life is as fulfilling and interesting as a human consciousness wants to make it
for instance there is a tiny Chinese restaurant in my town
the family who operates the facility lives to what many would say a redundant life
each day opening and closing at the same time with little to no change in routine
but within this routine hides the cure to the mundane
many nights I will walk past their eating establishment
and observe a beautiful scene
A family sitting and eating a meal together
the only light cast through the doorway to the kitchen
a common meal ate on a modest table
material goods and exciting experiences they may not have
but what they do have is each other
this is what life is about
family, the voice of a friend, the ever so familiar laugh of a
companion that causes an infectious smile on your own face
the countless hours of entertainment a simple toy can provide a child
the way light dances on the morning grass
Life is beautiful
look with your heart, not with your mind
It is the simple things that makes the so called
mundane “every day life” anything but that
The true cynic will argue that this is a fatalistic way of looking at life
that experience is the only variety of life
This is merely a ploy of a person who has lost all ability to see true beauty
a person who has become callous and malevolent
from hurts caused by other malignant individuals
There is no such thing as a mundane life
only mundane people
everything tells a story, everything has meaning
Everything has beauty, look, find it.